On the other side
by LILDAWGz
Summary: After Yuuri Kirishima's hometown Shiganshina is destroyed by the titans she decides to join the 104th trainee squad. Her emotionless attitude meant to put others off, actually seems to bring everyone in. Will she be able to love freely, and find happiness? She still has her secrets, even if she doesn't know them herself. OC X Eren X Jean X Levi (Manga spoilers)
1. Grisha

**Chapter 1**

Death. Dead. Not breathing. Lifeless. Not alive. All these words flash through my head, as I think of what I could become. I hear screams, the terror clear as day. I feel the thumping in the ground from people's frantic footsteps. I can taste the dirt that's been stirred up by the large pieces of debris, in the air. I can even _smell_ the fear around me, it's that heavy. This is all because of them. All this suffering, all this utter horror is because of them. Because of _it_. Finally I look up to see the massive titan that manages to be taller than the 50 meter wall. It has no skin, just muscles and a hideous face. I shiver rolls through my spine, as I then look down to the hole in the wall it has kicked out. Smaller titans are streaming in from the hole and making their way into Shiganshina. My home. The titans are going to ruin my home, and eat everyone.

''Why!?'', I cry out, ''why must we live like this!?''

I squat down and grab my auburn hair roughly and begin to chant ''why, why, why, why'' over and over again. Tears roll down my cheeks and onto the ground marking dark spots into the dirt. Suddenly, the earth quakes. I startle, and look up to see a titan. Its eyes are humongous and an excited expression is on its disgusting face. I stand motionless my eyes glued to its gaping jaw, unable to run or even scream. It reaches down with its greedy hand and….

 **1 day earlier**

I hear a knock on the door, so I scramble onto my feet to go answer it.

''I'll get it!'' I shout out to my father.

Not that he would even get up to get it anyway. My father is not a very…. lively person **.** Ever since my mother died after giving birth to me, all he ever does is sleep or stare into space. He sleeps through the whole day, and then stays up all night. He never does any chores, so I have to do all the jobs like cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. I really can't blame him though, since he lost his wife because of me. He must hate me I always told myself, but I didn't hate _him_. I would always leave out meals for him to eat and I would always wash his dirty clothes, even if he never really noticed. With a sigh, I opened the door.

''Dr. Yeager!'', I smiled, as I hugged the man at my doorstep.

''Yes, hello there Yuuri. How have you been lately? No more sickness?'' Dr. Yeager questioned, patting me on the back.

I pulled back and beckoned him into the house, and sat at the kitchen table. ''I've been as healthy as horse Dr. Yeager! I could be no better!''

Dr. Yeager had cured me as well as many other people, during the time when the plague had gone through the town. I was sure that I would die, but he cured me and is the reason I am here now. He is like the father figure, my father could never be to me. He checks in on me every now and then and sometimes even brings dishes that Mrs Yeager had made for me! Although today, I notice he hasn't brought any food.

Dr. Yeager follows me into the house, closing the door and then joining me at the table. ''Ah, that's very good then Yuuri'', he starts ''your father is asleep I assume?''

''Yup'', I start to swing my feet, since they don't touch the ground in this chair, ''has been for a while'' I complain.

''Good, I have something I want to speak with you about Yuuri.'', Dr. Yeager begins, while clasping his hands together on the table, ''something very important, that might shock you a lot. Are you prepared?''

I nod my head slowly, my eyes wide. For some reason, I feel a twisting in my stomach. 'No don't be stupid' I tell myself 'Dr. Yeager won't say anything _really_ bad'.

Dr. Yeager takes a deep breath before beginning, ''I can turn into a titan'' he says. ''No don't make that face, let me finish'' he commands when I stare at him in horror. ''Tomorrow I am going on a ship, and will be meeting some people that can also turn into titans. I will kill these people, and eat one of them in my titan form. Now believe me, this is all for the greater good and will eventually help in the savior of mankind. Once he is ready I will make Eren-….''

''Eren!?'' I shout. He is dragging his son into this madness? I can not believe what he is saying, this makes no sense. People should not have the ability to turn into a titan, let alone eat other people! Especially Dr Yeager, who is a kind-hearted man! I will not believe this. _I can not!_ I slam my hands into the table and stand up. 'What are you going on about Dr. Yeager? Have you gone crazy?''

''Yuuri, please listen, this is very important. Eren will have to eat me, just like I will eat that person, so he can gain my powers. He will not remember what happened until the time is right, just like you. You will not remember any of this once I inject you with a memory serum, until a trigger appears and you drink from this vial''. He holds up necklace with a little blue vial shaped like a crystal. It could be easily mistaken for just an ordinary crystal charm if you didn't know better, not a vial. ''When the time is right I need you to drink from this and remember, so you can do what is needed-….''

''NO!'', I scream, ''I thought you were nice! How can you even say these things? No way are you erasing my mem….mrgphhhhh!''

He has come up behind me and clamped his hand over my mouth, while restraining my body. I writhe in his arms, and scream against his hands, but with no luck.

''I am so sorry Yuuri'', he chokes with tears, ''but this needs to be done. Here is what you will need to do….''. What he tells me I am to do when my memories are regained, makes me want to scream and bawl my eyes out all at the same time. How can he expect me to do this? I am no monster like him, no way! I will never do what he says. _Never!_

He produces a needle filled with dark fluid, which I know he will inject me with. I sag into his arms, too tired to fight any longer. I want him to erase my memories, I don't want to remember any of this! I don't want to remember Dr. Yeager like this, a terrible lying cruel man that wishes to eat people!

I feel a light sting in my arm, where he presses the needle into my tanned skin.

''Yuuri… I'm sorry, i'm sorry'' he weeps as he lays my small body softly on the ground before fastening the necklace around my neck. All I see before my eyes droop closed is his sad tear streaked face looking down on me with sorrow.

''I'm sorry''.


	2. A Tragedy Begins

**Chapter 2**

 ***Author Note***

 **Hi! This is my first fanfiction, so please give me any advice or your honest opinions on my writing. I am thirteen and I hope to improve my writing a large amount, so help in any form is much appreciated!**

 **Disclaimer**

 **I do** ** _not_** **own Shingeki no Kyojin or its characters, I only own Yuuri my sweet little child.**

''Why….'' I sob, as the titans hand reaches down towards me, its large fingers, just centimeters from my face. Crying seems to be the only thing I can do, for I am frozen in place my eyes wide in terror. It's too late now anyway, my death is right in front of me. My tears stream like a waterfall down my face and off my chin, as I close my dark green eyes.

''Mother, I will soon join you'' I tremble. I will join her up in the peaceful sky, and never have to worry about anything. I can live like that, happy and carefree…but no. I wouldn't be actually _living_ would I. No. I don't want to die, what am I _doing_? My eyes flash open, but something slams into my shoulder pushing me to the hard ground. My hands and knees are grazed but I ignore the pain, so I can get back up to turn around. I clamp my hands over my mouth in shock as I stare, my face molded into complete horror. Blood. Bright crimson blood. Everywhere. It's splattered in front of me like paint, onto my shoes and the dirt. It trickles like a river, creating a puddle around my feet. My eyes follow the stream until they find the top half of a body, the other half in the titan's smiling mouth. My father.

''Fath…er?'' I squeak. His head tilts towards me, his face sunken in from pain and exhaustion. Oh god he's still alive, I think to myself as I look his severed waist. His body lies in a pool of his own blood, most coming from his stomach where his legs have been taken away.

''Yuuri, please….. run….. run away'', he gasps out, ''leave me here…. I will join Alicia and….. find peace''. His eyes slowly close and his body slumps, but he has a smile on his face. I bend over clutching my stomach and vomit onto the blood covered ground. Dead. My whole family is dead. I have no one, no one left for me in this tragic world.

''FATHER!'' I scream, as the titan picks up his limp body and ….. no I mustn't look. I need to run. I need to survive. Somehow I build the energy to move my legs and begin to run, ignoring the loud 'CHOMP' I hear behind me. I weep as I run, and it's all I can do not to fall over.

'Be strong Yuuri' I motivate myself. I wipe my tears roughly and nod defiantly, running even harder than before. I feel the strength welling deep within me burst out, like a light being lit in a dark room. A fire roars through my body as I sprint through the gate, and towards the ships. People are gathered around the boarding area screaming and wailing like children.

''Tch….'' I muttered. I push my way through to the boarding bridge, much to one mans distaste.

''Hey! That little runt just pushed her way through, the bitch!'', his tone becomes frantic. ''Why her and not me!? I don't want to die! Please!'' He grabs the sleeve of a Garrison soldier and shakes him viciously, but the soldier just ignores him silently. This worsens the mans rage, so he turns on me by grabbing the back of my filthy dress. Fury flashes through me, as I turn to punch him hard in the face. He steps back shocked, with blood spurting out of his now broken nose. Although soon after he begins screaming again,

''Ahhhhh, she's a monster! Get away, get away! Just get _away_ from me!'' he screams hysterically, drawing the attention of the soldier.

I look down at my fist, covered in blood. 'Am I monster?' I ask myself. Sweet innocent Yuuri would never have done this. Maybe it's best this way, being cold to everyone. I won't get hurt again, even if I'm being rude to others and selfish. I mask my expression and put on a blank look, showing none of my true emotions. The soldier approaches me, a wary air about his movements.

''Um, since you're a child you can board the ship'', he explains, ''you wont take up much space''. He gives me a small smile, and beckons me to move onto the crowded ship.

''Thanks'' I say blatantly, ignoring the cries of dismay from the frantic mob behind me. Once I set foot into boat I am instantly tossed around the many bodies compressed together, until I'm against the ship wall in my own space. With a sigh I slip myself down, exhausted. The lack of distractions finally allows me to think back on what happened. The humongous muscled titan, which breached the wall. The regular titans entering the town, as well as eating people. My father… I grit my teeth, refusing to let the tears escape. Why? Why did my father choose to sacrifice himself now? The selfish bastard! Choosing the easy way out, just to be with Mother!

No, if that was the case then why….? Why didn't he do it years ago!? Suddenly the truth dawns on me, making the tears finally flow down my cheeks and clenched jaw. Just one more time. All along he was keeping himself alive for me wasn't he!? Even though he did nothing, never helped with anything he stayed with me! His presence was enough…. and I realize that it was. Having him there made me feel safe, knowing that I would always have someone connected to me but now…..

''He's gone….'' I whisper. My words are drowned out by an explosion at the gate, where a gigantic titan with armored like skin stands. It has broken through the gates. The titans are going to invade more and more and more. I can hear others weeping and screeching,

''It's all over!''

''The titans will eat us all!''

But one voice different from the rest catches my attention. Hope surges through my body as I turn towards the yelling voice.

''I'm going to kill them all. Not even a single one of them will be left!'', he snarled with a vicious look in his emerald eyes.

I can't stop myself, forgetting everything I had promised myself earlier. I forget about being cold, showing no emotion and not calling out to anyone ever again. But that's just what I do. I guess I never really could hold a promise, not even to myself…..

''Eren!?''

 **So did you like it? In the next chapter they finally meet! Although I don't know if i'll go straight into when she joins the trainee squad. Be patient, be patient Jean and Levi will get some Yuuri too! Make sure to leave reviews please!**


	3. Don't Want to get Hurt

**Chapter 3**

 **-Authors Note-**

 **Sorry for the wait! I wasn't sure on this chapter, so it took me a while to figure it all out, but anyway I hope you enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer**

 **I do not own the snk franchise, I only own Yuuri!**

 ***Eren's POV***

''Eren!?''

The familiar voice cuts through me like a knife. Shock washes over me, my mouth gaping and my hands quivering. I turn to see, to make sure, but suddenly I freeze. Why am I too scared to look?

 _'What if it's not her?'_

The thought looms in my head, trying to block all else out. I couldn't take it, if it wasn't really her. The hope that swells in my heart would be crushed, leaving behind even more pain. My mind could be just conjuring up her voice to make me hurt, oh so much more. I cared for her, I truly did. She didn't hang around us a lot, since she was busy all day with cooking, cleaning or whatever else she did for her bastard father. The days when she did though were some of the best days of my life. She was amazing. She made me laugh; heck she even made _Mikasa_ laugh. They both had always been good friends, and sometimes they would go off on their on to have 'girl talk'. Whatever that was. She and Armin would talk about the ocean, and what they dream of it being like. Occasionally she and I would even wrestle, but I would constantly end up losing, to which she would drag on about for days. She always was a good fighter.

 _'Was? Why am I acting like she's dead? She's right there isn't she? Isn't she?!'_

Without thinking, I swivel around to face…her. My eyes widen, tears threatening to overflow any second. She stares back, an unbelieving and hopeful look on her face, but… yes I can see it. I can see the despair hiding under her expression, the redness around her eyes where she has wiped away tears.

 _'Even she broke._ '

I look sorrowfully to my friend, and start to hold out a hand…. to see that Mikasa already has her in a tight embrace. They fall to their knees clutching the other as if letting go would be the end of the world.

''Yuuri… Yuuri!'' Mikasa shouts in a desperate voice.

 _'Yuuri.'_

I always have loved her name, even now hearing it makes my heart beat just a little bit faster.

''Mikasa!'' Yuuri sobs in Mikasa's shoulder, her tears soaking the clothing.

 _Of course_. She only called out for me because she knew Mikasa would have to be with me. She must have heard me yelling from before, and was so shocked, that she called out my name.

 _'Why was a feeling so special all of sudden just now? I mean she barely hung out with me….. she mostly was with Mikasa. I guess… I'll just leave them alone then. It's not like she would want my comfort anyway.'_

I turn my back on them, and dawdle back to Armin with a depressed air hanging around me. He has a smile on his face, staring at the reunited 'best friends'. Suddenly I get a burst of anger and spin myself to face Armin.

''What are you so happy about?!. God dammit, the titans have just invaded us! They ate my mom! What the hell is there to smile about!'' I scream into his face.

''Uh… I'm sorry! I'm smiling because it's…'', he stutters out, looking at his feet, before lifting his head to say, ''I'm smiling because it's Yuuri! Aren't you happy she's alive?''

 _'Of course I'm happy! Its just I want…I want her to be happy to see_ me _. I want her to hug_ me _. Stupid Mikasa. Stupid Armin. Stop looking at her like that, she's_ mine _!'_

I open my mouth to say this to Armin, but then I slowly close it and look away.

 _'Why am I being like this? It's not like I own her, why am I being so selfish? Arggg….. titans! Titans! Titans! Kill! Kill! Kill!'_

I grab my dark brown locks and shake my head vigorously. Armin looks at me in worry but then glances up as Yuuri and Mikasa approach.

''Eren are you okay?''

Yuuri gives me a smile, but I can still see the pain in the way her lips curve up and the stress in her big sea green eyes. Her dark red hair is mussed, and has fallen out of its usual style. The twin piggy tails she would have at the sides of her head, and then the smaller piggy tails lower down at the base of her skull. The smaller strands of hair she would tie at the bottoms that hang over her shoulders. The messy fringe and that one bit of hair that always stood up on the top of her head. The tiny beauty spot above her lips. It was _all_ cute to me.

 _'So what if I think she's cute then? She clearly doesn't feel the same way about me. I'll just trouble her and… cause her more grief.'_

''Yeah I'm fine. Apart from my mother getting eaten by a titan, the titans destroying my house and I'll never live there ever again. Just…. leave me alone!'' I yell in fury. Yuuri steps back with a horrified expression.

''I...I-I'm sorry Eren I didn't know…. I actually lost my father too… but I guess that doesn't matter to you. I'll leave you alone now''.

Yuuri's face clouds over, and I have no idea what she's thinking. Her eyes are no longer shining but are like ice, unable to ever go out into the sun again. She starts to slowly walk away, Mikasa running after her.

''Eren, you need to think before you open that damned mouth of yours. Yuuri is going through a lot too'' Mikasa glares at me, before taking off and wrapping her arm around Yuuri's retreating body.

''Eren, you hate Yuuri?'' Armin says in surprise.

''No not hate Armin. Not hate.''

 _'Not hate'._

I close my eyes and squat down onto the ships deck, regretting how harsh I had been. It had needed to be said. It needed to be.

…..

That was the day when I gave up on Yuuri Kirishima.

My biggest mistake or the best decision of my life.

 ***Yuuri's POV***

''I'm sure he didn't mean it Yuuri, he's just….aggravated.''

Mikasa tries to console me, but I know the truth. The look in his eyes when he yelled and told me to go away, confirmed it. The pain, the hate, the _loss_ that I could see tugged at my heart, yet I could do nothing. All I can do is what he wishes, to leave him alone. I can't comfort him because clearly he doesn't want me around, so I'll just…..stay away. I haven't shown any emotion since his outburst and don't plan on doing so ever again. Showing people how I feel only hurts. I can't trust how they will react, no matter how close I thought they were to me. Mikasa though…she's different.

''Mikasa its okay, if he wants me to leave him alone, I'll leave him alone.'',

I say this in a monotone, without changing my blank features. Mikasa is all need because I know that she loves me. She would never hurt me or turn her back on me, so I allow myself to have her in my life.

 _'I don't need anyone else. There's no need to get hurt ever again. If I show nothing, then everyone will leave me alone. Just how I want it.'_

''You wont ever leave me will you Mikasa?'' I ask, looking into her dark orbs.

''Of course not Yuuri, you are my best friend.''

I let myself feel relief, and relax into my usual demeanor. My eyes light up, as I hug Mikasa.

''You are the only one I'll ever let see me like this from now on, Mikasa.''

She looks to me in surprise, but nods her head anyway in a slight understanding of what I mean.

 _'This is what I want right? I only need Mikasa, my best friend, in my life. Nobody else.'_

 _'Right?'_

 **Good? Bad? Horrible? I hope I was able to accurately be Eren, and got his personality right! As I said I wasn't sure if I was going to do this chapter, but it was necessary for Yuuri's character development, and also to explain Yuuri's and Eren's relationship. Well that's all for now, please leave reviews and await the next chapter!**


	4. The 104th Trainee Squad

**Chapter 4**

''Who the hell are you!?''

Instructor Shadis yells at another unlucky victim, his eyes glaring. Why did _this_ guy have to be the head instructor for the 104th trainee squad? I can understand what he's trying to do by yelling at them, but seriously that shouting is going to get annoying. I maintain my stony expression as he walks past. He gives me a quick glance, but moves on clearly convinced I've already gone through enough trauma. He does the same for a few others, Mikasa, a short girl with a large nose, a muscled boy with short blonde hair, a taller boy with light brown hair and Eren.

 _'Eren.'_

Eren and I had maintained a sound relationship, since I am around him all the time. It will never be same as before though, after everything that happened. We don't fool around, we never share jokes, its just …. Boring. I miss the fun times we all used to have, but we can't go back. I've already made my choice, to show nothing to anyone. Anyone except Mikasa. She was the main reason why my relationship with Eren isn't in pieces. She convinced me to talk to them and be with them, since Eren and Armin are her precious friends too. Reluctantly, I agreed, even though I was sure that Eren hated me. Although, eventually we began speaking to each other again, but very little since I had made my decision. It also seemed as if Eren had changed too, as if he was battling with something in his head. I had brushed it aside though and continued with my emotionless facade, deceiving those around me. And I will continue to do so.

''I'm Jean Kirchstein sir! I'm from Trost sir!''

A confident voice piques my attention, so I look up to see whom it belongs to. A tall boy with light brown and dark brown two toned hair, has a smirk on his face saying,

''I want to join the military police sir!''

 _'Tch'._

The military police? Those self righteous cowards don't _deserve_ to live in wall Sina. While the scouting legion tries their best on learning more about the titans, the military police lounge around telling people off all day. Our best soldiers really want to put in order, when they can be fighting for mankind? And this bastard actually wants to join them? Hah! If he can even get into the top ten. Well who cares, I'm definitely joining the survey corps just like Mikasa, Armin, Eren and I promised. I want to avenge everyone who died that day, and kill all of those filthy titans!

I hear a loud crack and a groan, so glance back to duo. Jean is now on the ground, clutching is head in pain while Shadis moves on to another unlucky soldier. I smirk at the boy on his rear, but quickly wipe it off before anyone can see. I manage to pry my eyes away from the hopeless boy and tune my attention back to the other soldiers.

''I am Marco Bodt sir!''.

A freckled boy with short parted black hair and kind eyes.

'I'm Connie Springer sir!''

A boy who is particularly short and has his hair shaved. I notice that he has done his salute with the opposite hand and barely manage to hold in my laugh. Clearly Shadis notices too, and begins to stretch Connie's eye sockets but suddenly he stops. Dropping Connie to the ground, he turns to a girl with her reddish brown hair in a ponytail. For some unknown reason she is eating a…. potato.

''Hey fucker'' Shadis glares at the girl, although she continues to eat her potato not acknowledging his presence at all.

''What the fuck are you doing?"

Everybody stares in disbelief as she still ignores the instructor, and _still_ eats her potato.

''I am motherfucking _talking_ to you!'', suddenly Shadis loses it and screams at the girl, ''who the fuck do you think you are?"

Finally she ceases eating her potato, but still clutches it in her hand as she salutes.

''Sasha Braus sir! I'm from the Southern wall Rose village Dauper sir!

 _'Sasha eh? What an idiot!'_

''Sasha Braus'', the instructor glowers, ''what is the thing in your right hand?"

''A boiled potato sir! I saw it in the kitchen and it looked delicious!'' she answers in a completely normal tone.

Shadis replies, ''so you stole it? Why the fuck did you choose to eat it _now_?"

''Potatoes are much better when they are hot, so I thought I should take it quickly!''

''No I still don't get it. Why would you eat a potato?"

''You seriously don't know why humans eat potatoes?"

 _'What the fuck is wrong with this girl? Does she want her ass kicked?'_

Everybody continues to stare dumbfounded at this potato girl.

With a sigh she hands the instructor half of the potato, which he takes.

''This…. half?" he says.

She grins, potato all over her face.

 **A few hours later**

''Can you believe that potato girl?'' I say to Mikasa, a slight joking tone in my voice.

''Mm-mm she was… different'' Mikasa replies distractedly.

''Eh Mikasa? What are you looking at? I ask as bend past her head to see what all the fuss is about.

Eren and the guy with the two toned hair from before are glaring at each other. I begin to stand up so I'm ready to restrain them but suddenly the bell rings, signalling for us to go to bed. I sigh with relief as I see them clap hands in a truce.

 _'Thank god no fights, I'm really not in the mood for any bullshit'._

''I'm going to go ahead Yuuri, see you in a bit'' Mikasa waves as she follows Eren out of the cafeteria.

 _'Oh Mikasa. Eren's lovely motherly figure. Pf-ft…. yeah right! As if Eren would accept that if he can't even take my friendship!'_

All of a sudden I feel a shadow over me so I freeze, bracing myself.

''Hey are you alright?''

I look up to see Jean, smiling at me with his face somehow looking kind.

 _'Shit I let military police wimp see me! Quick, quick, quick…ah pretend it never happened!'_

I quickly revert back to my emotionless mask once again, and brush past Jean.

''I'm fine _Horse face_ '' I say, before quickly turning around so he can't see my smirk.

 _'Dork.'_

 **Jeans POV**

 _'What the fuck? I try being nice once and to a_ girl _for god sake! And she called me horse face!_

Well whatever. Even though she puts up that emotionless facade, I saw her just now. She had sadness in her eyes _. Pure_ sadness. She's hiding something under that mask, and for some reason I want to know what is. She intrigues me and not just because of her strange beauty.

She has mystery about her and it's like she doesn't even know it. I want to talk to her but there's no way should ever talk to me properly, with that impassive expression. There's only one way I'll ever get anything out of her,

I've got to break her.

 **Authors Note**

 **I'm so sorry this is late! I started it a while ago, but then went on holiday and never finished it! But anyway, hope you liked this although its short. Always open for reviews, questions, advice, requests or anything you want!**

 **P.s Always remember:**

 **'Marco is always half here'**


	5. Slowly Cracking

**Chapter 5**

 ***Disclaimer***

 **I do NOT own the Snk franchise or its characters, only my OC!**

Finally, the day has come for our aptitude test! The day where we will be accepted as true soldiers and commence training, but also the day where you could get sent back to work in the landfills. I'm going to go for the former, since working in landfills just isn't my style.

''You worms aren't even good for bait if you fail this!'' Instructor Shadis yells at the large group of soldiers before him.

Practice for the 3DMG Gear, keeping your balance while being suspended midair by two ropes. I consider my athletic ability quite capable, so this should be a piece of cake!

After the girl in front of me finished her wobbly display, I'm hoisted up by the two ropes. I twist my body to the right and relax my muscles, so I perfectly hang in place only wobbling a small amount. Everyone that is in front of my station applauds, although I continue to maintain my unreadable expression. I look around to see how everybody else is doing and see that their all reasonably well balanced. Mikasa is perfect as always using no effort at all and I can see the other instructors watching her with appraisal. Sasha is swinging on her ropes which clearly show she is very confident in her ability, and Connie is struggling, however he manages to uphold himself. I also take notice of Jean who is in complete concentration, only faltering slightly.

 _'Tch. Looks like me and horse face are on the same level'._

''What the fuck are you doing Yeager?''

The instructor's shouting voice catches my attention, so I bring my gaze over to his direction. I clench my teeth to hold in a laugh, as I stare at Eren hanging _upside down_ on his ropes. He looks completely horrified and also completely stupid…..pfftt.

''He looks like a monkey'' I whisper to myself, unknowingly giving a smile.

 **Jeans POV**

I saw it.

 _'She actually….. she…..smiled. She smiled while looking at that bastard being a fool.'_

I look over to the upturned boy and feel a smirk make its way onto my face.

' _Well who wouldn't?'_

I look back over to the once smiling girl to see that her grin has disappeared. In replace there is now a wariness I can see in her eyes, because they are glancing all over.

 _'Looking for someone who saw you?'_

As if she could sense my thoughts her sea green orbs rest on my light brown ones. They widen as I give a knowing smirk, but then quickly look away as she is lowered back down to the ground free from the ropes. My gaze still follows her even as she walks away and I observe the slight stomp in her footsteps. Her fists are clenched and her shoulders tense as she walks to join Mikasa, watching Yeager fail yet again.

 _'Got you,_ Miss Emotionless'

This might be easier than I thought.

 **Yuuri's POV**

 _'That god damn horse face!'_

That smirking shit just won't get out of my head! He definitely saw me smiling and now he's going to tell everyone about it! Fuck, I bet he'll tell them to go talk to me and try to be friends. Then they'll ask questions and…. No…. no way am I letting that happen. That son of a bitch is going down, and hopefully he'll learn to keep his loud mouth shut. I let out a loud sigh, making Mikasa look over to me in concern. I shrug and shake my head, then jab my chin in the direction of Eren, who is once again hanging upside down.

''How did this even happen?'' I ask Armin who is looking at Eren in alarm.

''Uh um it seems that Eren has an off sense of balance, and just can't stand upright for any longer than a second'' he explains, earning a glare from Eren.

''It's not that! Its just… stupid'' he pouts.

''Aw does little Eren want some help?'' I coo at the embarrassed boy.

All eyes turn on me, as I realize what I just said.

 _'Shit. I fucking did it again'_

I quickly turn around checking to see if anyone else overheard, but everyone seems to have left for the day. I close my eyes in relief, only to open them again to see Armin and Eren's shocked expressions.

''What? Never heard me speak before?'' I say heatedly, hoping they won't pick holes in me.

''Well it's just um… we've never heard you speak so…. Openly before, your normally…'' Armin begins in a careful voice.

''A bitch'' Eren states simply.

''I'd watch my language if I was you Yeager, and I can still be a bitch when I want too…. see'' I declare as I loosen Eren's ropes, making him fall to the ground in a heap.

''Arggg you bitch!'' he growls while clutching his head.

''If you don't stop calling me a bitch, I won't help you'' I say, turning away with my arms crossed.

My eyes land on Mikasa who is smiling brightly at me.

 _'What's up with her?'_

Then it dawns on me I'm actually being _myself_ around others. I bet she's smiling because she won't have to look after me all the time, huh.

 _'What do I do!?'_

It's okay right? I mean they didn't say anything against it and seemed completely okay with my sudden change of personality. Anyway it's not like they're going to become my best buds after I let slip my true colors.

 _'Its fine just let it go. It's to late now anyway, and they won't tell anyone'_

''Who says I need _your_ help?'' Eren countered against my earlier statement.

''Well your gonna need someone's help, but I guess its not gonna be mine'' I joked as I turned away, my boots crunching in the dirt.

I gave a half hearted wave, leaving behind their questioning looks and headed for the cafeteria. Once my foot entered the doorway, my stomach rumbled as the smell of food wafted close. I peered around searching for a suitable table for me to join, one without any loud mouths or jokers. The blonde girl from the first day catches my attention, her name is …. Annie I think. She sits kind of secluded from the rest of the group, and a couple of seats are free next to her. After I have grabbed my plate I start to head over to her, but not without a rude interruption…

 _'Horse face'_

''What the _fuck_ do you want'' I spit, clearly agitated over this disruption of my dinner.

''Whoa whoa, I just wanted to see if you'd like to sit with me and Marco. You looked a little lonely'' he grins sheepishly.

''I'm fine. I'd rather sit by myself'' I say refusing his offer.

 _'No way am I sitting with Horse face. He'll tell the whole table about what happened today.''_

Jean smiles at my cheerfully, but I don't believe it for one bit.

''Hey why don't you quit talking to me, and _leave me alone''._ I emphasized the last three words, as I leaned closer to his face.

If possible his grin seems to grow wider.

''Why would I want to leave you alone? You _interest_ me'' he says innocently, his shit eating smirk suddenly disappearing.

 _'Oh this son of a bitch'_

I clench my fists, barely restraining myself from landing a punch square on his jaw.

 _'Okay, okay just calm down. This is what he wants'_

I unclench my palms and smooth out the tension in my shoulders. I look up at him and simply say ''I'm sorry, but I'll have to decline your offer'', and then quietly step past him to my destination. I sit down in the space next to Annie, setting my tray down.

 _''Hah! His face, his face! Take that you horse face!'_

Amidst my internal celebration I feel a pair of eyes on me. Icy blue eyes. I slowly turn my head to stare into her sapphire orbs, which are widened in slight disbelief. It is then that I notice I'm smiling. A full, wide teeth showing grin.

 _'Oh shit'_

 **Sorry for the late chapters, I'm trying my best! School goes back in a few days, but I'll still try to upload as much as I can! Yuuri's getting careless, what will she do?!**


	6. Friendship Blossoming?

**Chapter 6**

 **Eren POV**

The training hadn't helped at all, no matter the technique or skill I used. I had asked everyone, yet nobody could give me a full explanation since it's not really something you can put into words. It's something **everyone** should be able to do. Everyone except me.

 _'Just save it for tomorrow. Try not to think about it'_

Then what _do_ I think about?

No sooner as the thought leaves my mind, does her face pop in to it. She really did surprise me today, after she had been so hostile towards me before. It was like the old Yuuri had broken her way out from underneath all the pain, and returned to her usual self. I never really understood the change she went through, but I at least realised it was partly from the great ache in her heart. She used to be caring, and would always blame herself is someone where to get hurt. I can only imagine what it would've been like for her to see her father eaten in front of her, and the guilt she would have felt.

 _'She's really just like….me'_

Except why did she do this to herself? Break away from everyone-apart from one _single_ person, and never sharing her opinions or feelings. I honestly never had one thought about doing that to myself, I only thought about getting revenge.

I sigh in exasperation and roll over on my side. I pull the bed sheets over my body to contain some warmth. I can hear the faint snores of Reiner, and the tossing and turning of Bertoldt.

Those guys had gone through pretty much same thing as us, so I respected them immediately. They obviously weren't just fools hoping to be hero, without even ever seeing a fucking _titan_. They were good guys too, better than most of the fools around here.

''Hey Yeager, you awake?'' a quiet voice whispers from the darkness.

''Kirchstein what the fuck do you want?'' I say venomously.

''Jeez I just wanted to ask a question'', he replies, ''no need to scream and yell, you'll wake everyone up''

''For fuck sake what do you want?''

He sighs and says surprisingly softly, ''I just wanted to ask if Yuuri is…alright. She seems to carry a large burden on her shoulders''.

I lay there for a minute shocked. Is he actually…asking if Yuuri's alright? Since when did he care about anyone but himself?

''Since when did you start caring about Yuuri?'' I ask him suspiciously.

He pauses for a moment, and I swear I can literally _feel_ him blushing.

 _'Wait does he_ like _her?'_

''Sh-shut up…. just answer my question" he replies heatedly.

 _'What the fuck do I even say?'_

It's really not my business to share, but I have a feeling he wont stop bugging me until he gets an answer.

''Well you know what happened in Shiganshina…a lot of people died, some eaten. Yuuri lost someone important to her, and she had no one left. She seemed to forget that we were there, that we could help her through it. She suddenly seemed to….shut off like she wasn't even really there at all…. It _scared_ me''

I stop suddenly, surprised that I 'm actually saying this aloud and to Horse face for fuck sake. It all seemed to just pour out and I couldn't stop it.

 _'I_ was _scared. Losing the old Yuuri scared me until I was to afraid to even_ talk _to her, let alone comfort her'_

''Yeager?''

Jean's voice brings me out of my wallowing, but the unwelcome thoughts continued their assault.

''Recently I've been seeing Yuuri coming out of her shell, like laughing, smiling or even just getting angry'' Jean says promptly.

''Yeah….I think she's finally growing up, but in a difficult way. She….doesn't like to feel responsible for people, so if she doesn't talk with them it isn't her fault that they died'' I explain in a tired voice.

''Why would she feel responsible?'' Jeans asks confused.

I exhale the air I had been holding in, ''because she feels if somebody close to her dies, it's all her fault. She thinks that she could've saved them if she had only _tried_ harder or something like that''.

''Whoa…..she is some kind of amazing, huh'' he says distantly.

''Yeah she really is'' I agree.

''Um are you two like….together?''

I sit up roughly and harshly whisper, ''what!? No way!''

He gives a low chuckle and nods his head, ''well okay, thanks for answering my questions and not being a douche. Good night Yeager''

''Night Horse face'' I reply calmly.

After I hear him sigh in annoyance I turn back onto my side and close my eyes.

 _'Did I really feel that way back then?'_

I did. It's true. I was terrified that my precious friend was disappearing and there was nothing I could do to stop it. But I had only made it worse for her, by blocking her out and ignoring her at the worst times. I had believed it was for the best, that it would be better for her somehow. If I had only realised my true intentions back then, maybe she would be different than she is now. She would be the happy, bright, laughing Yuuri but… she isn't. She may be opening up but she will never be the same as that cheerful little girl.

My heart sinks as memories flash before my eyes of that terrible day. The day I lost my home, my family and my treasured friend. I shake my head and reach my hands up to wipe my face. As my fingers brush my cheeks, I notice wetness on my skin. Silent tears continue to roll down my cheeks, as fall into a deep slumber. I pray that I sleep dreamless, for if I were to have nightmares I would wake up screaming.

 ***2 Years Later***

 **Yuuri POV**

My feet pound into the mud, making it splash back up onto my sore legs. Rain is pouring down, soaking my clothes and hair yet I keep running. My back is aching from the weight of the pack, but I will not give up. I push myself forward catching up to Mikasa who is just a few steps in front of me.

''How are….you…..not even…..out of….breath? I puff out.

''Balance. Calmness. Relaxed muscles….'' She begins.

''Yeah yeah your amazing, you can go on ahead'' I manage to smile against the repeated droplets of rain.

She nods before speeding off again, as I stay behind gaping for air.

 _'Only a few more days, until I get out of this place'_

I just need to hold on until then. Until I can finally follow my dreams and join the Scouting regiment.

I sigh, imagining getting away from this shithole and all these shitty people. Being free to do what I do best. Killing titans. I don't have to be around people 24/7, I can have _me_ time. I give a faint smile at the thought.

Suddenly broken away from my silly fantasies, I feel someone roughly bump into my shoulder as they run past. As soon as I see that shit eating grin turn back to smirk at me, I roll my eyes and get ready to take off after him.

Horse face had been extra annoying lately, trying to get me to laugh or lash out and punch his worthless face. But since the Annie incident I've been more careful, making sure nobody _else_ sees me crack. Horse face just doesn't seem to get it though, and is truly persistent in annoying the crap out of me. He's like one of those fucking dogs that never ever **ever** stop barking. I smirk at the thought; maybe I should start calling him dog face.

Just as my feet are about to launch forwards to go after him, a hand is restraining my shoulders. Gently this time.

 _'Eren'_

''Don't follow him, it's only what he wants'' he scolds me.

I haven't talked to Eren in a while, ever since I started showing some of my true colours. I don't know if it's because I'm avoiding him, or he is keeping his distance from me. But there's always that occasional glance or accidental hand touching; I swear I saw him _blush_ once. We were even partnered up for combat training a few weeks back. That was ….. interesting. He seemed too afraid to touch me let alone punch me. so I flipped him on his arse just like I used to back then…

''Yuuri?'' Eren questions, sounding surprisingly concerned.

''Uh…. um I'm gonna go catch up to Marco'' I barely finish, before taking off.

Eren holds out a hand as if to stop me, but then slowly lowers it back down.

I feel…weird. Like I just stole something, or punched someone in the face. Guilt? But why should I feel guilty leaving Eren like that? He probably _wanted_ me to leave.

 _'Ugghhh… I swear I'm so messed up. I need to stop doing this, I'm becoming too emotional. I_ _ **need**_ _to focus on my training.'_

I shake my head as I pace myself to catch up to Marco, passing Jean on the way. I stick out my foot just as he lifts up his, and trip him into the dirt. If he wasn't already muddy, he's like a pig on holiday now. I snort and take off running, as he growls in fury.

 _'That will teach you to leave me alone horse face'_

 **I am soooooo sorry! I'm a piece of shit for not updating, I know. Thank you to those people who stuck with me, it means a lot. I' m going to be trying to upload more chapters regularly starting today, so fingers crossed!**


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